emily'smommymakeover

I've been waiting. My husband and I talked long and hard about it before starting this blog. We both knew that not everyone would be supportive or agree with my choice to have plastic surgery and especially my choice to blog about it.

We knew that my motivations would be questioned, and that not everyone would see things from my point of view.

I should point out that I have the ultimate power over this blog. I get to say what I want to say. No one can censor my posts, and if a reader decides to comment, I get to either approve their comment for posting, or I can trash it if I don't like it.

So far, I have published every comment. Today, I was faced with a difficult decision, because I got, what I feel is a very negative and even mean comment. Please take a look for yourself.

I came across your website and about fell out of my chair. Plastic surgery is a very personal thing and no one really wants to hear about what you are trying to do. Most people (mothers) do the right thing and exercise to get their body back in shape and save their money for the future of their children. It must be nice to have several thousand lying around to spend on something that will probably look good for a year or less (maybe) because eventually honey, those Twinkies will catch up again.

Now if you decide to do something more selfless versus selfish, writing a blog about something that helps the community, or hungry children, or anything other than yourself, then I think a few more people would be interested to hear that progress. One last thing, I am not a friend, nor have I ever met you and from what I have read, your friends are not going to be honest with you....but do yourself a favor and take down the pictures of you at the doctor's office.

Brinda

My first reaction to this comment was utter shock. I really couldn't believe that someone would actually say those things to another person – especially a stranger. But the Internet gives us the power of anonymity, so I guess that makes people feel entitled to say whatever they like. And to be fair, I have asked my readers to comment... But let's look at this. Brinda says that no one wants to hear about what I am doing here. That's weird. According to Google's keyword estimator, thousands of people are searching the Internet for mommy makeover, tummy tuck and breast augmentation information and research every day. And hundreds of them are making their way to this blog. Hundreds – and I haven't even had the surgery yet. I guess someone might be interested in what I'm writing after all.

Next, Brinda says that most mothers do the right thing, exercising to get their bodies back into shape. I can only assume that Brinda's body must be very different from mine because I do exercise, and I have lost nearly all of the weight I gained while pregnant, thanks to a wonderful program you may have heard of called Weight Watchers. Yep, I'm a point counter, and believe me, there aren't a lot of Twinkies getting eaten at my house. (BTW – I have a very good friend who works for Hostess, and they have some great 100 calorie Twinkies! Right Dave?) So I have dieted. I've lost most of the weight, and I exercise. Still, my body is not and will never be back to its pre-pregnancy self without the help of cosmetic surgery. Moms – I'm counting on you to comment on this one. Back me up on this fact, okay?

As for having thousands of dollars lying around, that's a completely unfair judgment. Brinda doesn't know me. She doesn't know that I never spend money on myself. I get inexpensive haircuts, and I don't splurge on massages or nails or pampering of any kind. When I go shopping for myself, I usually spend all my money on kid's clothes. I don't drive the car of my dreams or wear expensive jewelry. My children are well taken care of, and their future is in good shape too. If you must know, my husband has been putting money away little by little every paycheck for YEARS.

(Sigh) I'm getting a little emotional as I write this – I shouldn't be so defensive. But I don't think it's fair to judge how my family spends our money. And for the moms who are considering this – neither should you.

You know who you are. You volunteer at school or scouts or you're the coach of her little league team. You spend hundreds of dollars on dance shoes and shoulder pads and dues and you name it! Ladies, if you want to splurge on yourself – you do it. You're a mom and you deserve it.

One last thing, I don't believe for a second that my friends are being dishonest in any way. Just because they aren't saying that my tummy looks like elephant skin doesn't mean we aren't all thinking it. Clearly, I don't look that great in the pictures at Dr. Hynes' office. That's kinda the point!

In the end, I owe some thanks to Brinda. If she wrote it, there are probably other women out there thinking it. So thank you, Brinda, for giving me the opportunity to touch on these subjects.

Comment by Cara:
Unfortunately, whatever valid points Brinda thought she had were lost in the rudely inconsiderate and mean-spirited untruths she espoused.
Maybe she'd like to try again without the shameful slams like the Twinkie and financial comments. She sounds decently intelligent, making me think she could do better. I wonder if she goes around the www sending e-mails to every website that includes what she considers to be questionable material. She sure must be spending a lot of time looking at what she would call crap. Good luck, Brinda.

Comment by Elisha:
EMILY!!! how dare someone you don't even know blog that about you!

I love you and your amazing family! you have inspired me to (after my next baby of course) look into these things as well. I know it's not for everyone but your courage, and strength has shown me that I am not the only one with breast and tummy issues. if you need anything, be it a hug or a just a chat you let me know!! I have faith in you and i know you will feel much better about yourself, because it is doing something for you and every mom needs something for them too. :) xoxoxo

Comment by Leslie:
Agreed completely with Cara. Being rude and inconsiderate on someone else's blog just shows you how little she truly knows. Millions of women are unhappy with their body and tons of them slip into some mild or serious depression and hide themselves away! How horrible to spend your life like that. Before my daughter my breasts were a PERFECT perky 36C and now...well, I've basically ok'd my breast augmentation with next year's tax return after Emily is born and taken care of. The year after that, tummy tuck. This year I'm hoping to get my laser hair removal. Call us vain, Brinda, or selfish, whatever you like, but I work my ass off helping and guiding children through preschool every day for a mere $8.50 an hour, barely enough to live on for my daughter and myself and Lord knows, I NEVER by things for myself. If it's something for me it may be a movie or a book. Emily, you have EVERY right to be defensive. How DARE someone come on YOUR blog, where you are entitled to write whatever you darn well please, and call you selfish and tell you how to spend the money that you earn and save. Have a twinkie, dammit, you deserve it!

Comment by Leslie:
I spelled my own daughter's name wrong, btw. That's how irritated I was. Emmalie. Good gravy I'm worked up!!

Comment by Marlene:
Emily,
(1) I commend you for being so bold as to share what Brinda wrote. Most people would have buried it out of whatever bad feeling it was causing them, & your response to her was extraordinary.

(2) It's been about 10 years since I met you, and Brinda has no clue how far off her conclusions are about what kind of person (or mom) you happen to be...

(3) Brinda mentioned that she came across your site, are we to believe that she was googling "how to be a great mom" and found "plastic surgery for your elephant skin" instead??? :)

(4) And lastly, yeah, we're your "friends" & we're probably *not* going to say something in a *brutal* way, but as your "friends" I can assure you if we thought you were making a massive, permanent error in judgment, we'd pull you off the bridge you're about to walk (that is what friends do, right?), and I bet David would too ... Unfortunately, I think her jab at you is just a sign of the times: she's having a bad day, & I'm glad to see that you didn't give as good as you got (afterall, that's the Emily I've gotten to know).

P.S. Hey, Brinda, whatever is happening in your life to make you so upset and mean-spirited, I'm sorry that you're going through it. The good news is: you can change it whenever you're ready.

Signed,

Proud Friend of Emily, Marlene

Comment by Tiffany:
Brinda must not realize that she'd be taken a lot more seriously if she were not so rude.

All her points are invalid, considering she doesn't know you or your personal situation. She assumes that you haven't exercised. She assumes that you haven't dieted. She assumes to be familiar with your financial situation and implies that you are not preparing for the future of your children.

And I get the impression that she must not be a mom. We all know that we are better at taking care of our children when we feel good about ourselves. If you want to inspire your daughter with confidence, than you must be full of confidence yourself.

I commend you for what you're doing. Ignore Brinda. She's just jealous that your boobies are going to be fabulous!

Comment by Dawn:
Judgmental people are mean, stupid, lonely and feel the need to share their misery with the world.....*SIGH* Her mother must be a real selfish pill to have raised such a woman!

Comment by Dawn:
Emily–very well stated. As a mom of two very busy boys and a full- time special educator, I wish I had the kind of time Brinda has to slam people on their own blogs. Life is a journey and I'll bet Brinda just isn't where you are yet...if we aren't taking care of ourselves and learning
to love ourselves (Whitney Houston said it best), how can be the best we can be for others? Good for you!

Comment by Stacy:
Emily,
I sent personal comments to you in another place, but... let me just say this here and now: You are one of the most gracious, most thoughtful, most beautiful women I know.

Your writing here, your choices to answer such ugly commentary publically and graciously, your ability to say thank you to someone who was negative towards you... well, that says more than thousands of words can say about your grace, m'dear....

(*grin* about the Hostess commentary)

Keep up being true to yourself and your family. They love you and we all know you love them beyond any words!

Stacy

Comment by Cristy:
Congratulations on your decision! I'll be getting a vertical mammoplasty with silicone implants & abdominoplasty the 11th of Sept. Less than 2 weeks away!

I admire your courage in posting about your experience. Can't wait to hear more!!